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At Home Hair Mask: Eggscellent Results

August 5, 2018

Ya'll know how women are always trying to look our best, right? We spend money on body butters and skin oils. Our cabinets are stocked with day creams to fight sun damage and night jellies to banish our crows feet. We spend hours in a salon getting the perfect "do" for our "mops" just to find out when we get home that we lack the skill to perfectly recreate the masterpiece with our mane. We read "how to" articles for at home beauty treatments and I must say that some turn out way better than what a professional can do and for a fraction of the price. My mother loved "how to" articles that plastered the front of magazines like Cosmo or Glamour. 

While I wish I could share with you the greatest at home treatments for beauty hacks, this story is more "adventurous" to say the least.

 

When I say my mom loved these articles I don't mean that she just liked to read them, I'm talking about she did every at home beauty treatment known to women. 

 

One day, many years ago, I went to visit my mom for a girls weekend. She said we were gonna do some pampering and then go shopping. Mom could do some serious shopping and if there's one thing that she passed on to me, it's the passion for SHOPPING. We got up early one Saturday morning and had our first cup of coffee together. Looking back, I wish I had gotten up earlier to enjoy those moments with her more often. While we are sitting together, she is telling me about this hair mask she found a recipe for in whatever magazine happened to be at the Walmart checkout. Ya'll know that's how they get us, they only have 3 cashiers which makes you stand in line and you end up adding every magazine or goody or whatnot they have at the checkout to your already stuffed buggy. Anyway, she is telling me that she got ALL the ingredients so we could do this "treatment" while we did our little morning hang out routine then we could have the rest of the day together. I honestly thought she was talking about some sort of weird salad with the ingredients she named off.

 

So, we are in the kitchen talking and mixing things up like we were baking a cake for the royal family. We went through the recipe and added the avacado and olive oil and the egg and some other few things I forget now. Keep the egg part in mind for later in the story. Ok, we are done. We have a bowl full of this horrible green baby poop mixture that we are supposed to put on our hair. Mom sits me down at the table and she starts sectioning my hair and slopping this GOOP on my head. She's rubbing it in good so it soaks all the way in. Now, I have very thick and curly hair. Every hair dresser that has touched my head can tell you this. She finishes up her "application process" and wraps all my hair up and puts a shower cap on my head. In her words, "the heat from our head will help all the good stuff penetrate your hair". So now it's my turn to put it all on her hair and if you have ever seen any of the James Bond movies, then you've probably seen the character Q, that short beautiful silver hair cut is exactly what my mom had. Well, except mom dyed her hair religiously until she had a grandbaby. That's a story for another time. It took all of 3 minutes to cover her short pixie cut with our homemade POOP GOOP. On went her shower cap, remember the heat is supposed to help right?? 

 

So we go back outside and have another cup of coffee and just chit chat about life and the typical mother daughter stuff. 

 

Well about an hour later she says it's time for us to wash our hair and get ready to go face our day. I'm not sure if any of you remember leaning over the counter or laying on the counter when you were little and having your mom wash your hair, but let me tell ya, it's not quite the same when you're a grown 20 something year old woman and your legs just hang off the counter in some weird yoga like position. Mom takes off my shower cap and runs the cool water over my head and all I hear is "oh damn".... this is NOT something you want to hear when it comes to your head of hair. EVER. 

 

"Mother?? What did you do?" Ya'll southern gals know that voice right? The one that you have to take with your parents because you just can't fathom what goofiness they have embarked on. Anyway, she repeats herself. "Oh damn" But this time she has more draw in it. I'm totally freaking out inside at this point and then she just starts laughing! My mother had the most contagious laugh. She's been gone 3 years and I can still hear it plain as day. Now I'm getting tickled, but also still freaking out and I say "mom, what is it?" She blurts out, "we've scrambled the egg in your hair!" 

 

SAY WHAT?!?!?

 

Remember how I was talking about how thick my hair is? Do you also remember how the egg was rubbed in good on every piece of hair? Remember how mom said the HEAT WAS GONNA HELP IT PENETRATE???? 

 

My beautiful blonde hair (each strand mind you) is now coated in scrambled egg and my mother is ROLLING with laughter. She quickly turns the water off and we run to the shower. We have got to get this out of my hair and mom says we just need to get in the shower, use the new shampoo she got and her little hair comb and it'll all come out. While I'm not entirely sure why I just went along with it, I mean... here I am a head full of scrambled egg from listening to her and here I go listening to her again. I believe they call this FAITH. I knew we were gonna be ok! It WAS IN FACT just egg. It's not like we fried my hair off.

 

So we get in the shower and shes combing through my shoulder length hair with that tiny ass comb like she's treating me for a bad case of LICE. "Ok baby girl, hand me that new shampoo I got us." I pick up the bottle and hand it to her. She scrubs it into my hair and I am doing the typical shower THING and I'm reading the shampoo bottle. Now, when my mom told me she got us some shampoo for women who dye their hair, I thought she got us some sort of super hydrating and conditioning kind. Ya'll, I about died. I was laughing so hard. My mother got us shampoo for "women of color". That's what it says on the bottle!!! My mother was one of the smartest women I've ever known, but let me tell you... she tickled the HELL out of me this day. She thought that meant women who "colored" their hair! She bought our caucasian hair some shampoo that was designed for a different type of hair. If you've ever tried this stuff, it doesnt suds up like normal shampoo does. It just kinda sits there and does nothing. At least on my hair that's what happened. 

 

So here we are. Turning back and forth with each other trying to comb out little pieces of egg that is COOKED in our hair, using shampoo that doesn't quite work for us, and all the while laughing like we have absolutely lost our minds. 

 

It took me a SOLID two weeks to get all that egg out but I am forever thankful for that memory with my mom. 

 

Moral of this story: spend time with your parents because one day they are gonna be gone and you'll wish for every single moment back. 

 

I miss my mother every day and wish we could have more adventures together.

 

 

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