A Series Of Unfortunate Events: Why Being Clumsy Is Hard!
You ever get a bruise on your leg and wonder how in the world it got there? Or maybe why your closet doesn't have many WHITE shirts in it? Or possibly you can't figure out why nobody asks you to climb a ladder to change a light bulb? When you are clumsy, there are certain attributes about yourself that you just EMBRACE. We trip, we fall, we spill food, and we just cannot help it. Our friends and family adore us but often times we just get that slow head shake whenever our INCIDENTS occur. But, what happens when your non clumsy associates do something that has become your NORM?
Yes, I am what you would call CLUMSY. Matter of fact, I am certain my photo is next to the word in the dictionary. If not, it should be. I run into walls often and I spill food frequently but something happened yesterday that truly MADE MY DAY! When we find new bruises or stains on clothes, us ACCIDENT PRONE folk just kinda go "huh, oh well." We shrug our shoulders and just go on with our day. This is because we are USED to the daily acts of absurdity. We know without a doubt that something is going to happen and we just cannot avoid it. In turn, when these events happen to other people, we laugh and say "welcome to my world!" The hard part about being this awkward is that nobody else seems to understand us until it happens to them.
Well, last night the Love Bug and I were getting ready for bed when the tables finally turned. We have a certain routine that we stick to because, well, when you have 6 fur babies in the house you need STRUCTURE. We get everybody fed and let out to potty for the evening and we hop in the shower to get clean before we snuggle up for the night. Ya'll know what it's like to crawl into those clean sheets and get all cozy. Yes, that "feeling" is what I LIVE FOR! Anyway, our shower is super slick. I'm talking about slick as owl poop. Its a granite or some sort of granite-like stone with no seams anywhere for any type of traction and this can BE SUPER DANGEROUS for people like me. Ya know, the uncoordinated ones.
We were wrapping up our shower and the Love Bug was washing up and all of a sudden, her feet FLEW OUT from under her and I just KNEW she was going DOWN like the Titanic! Her eyes were as big as saucers and she hollered out like a 5 year old girl at a Haunted House. Shampoo and conditioner bottles were flying and her arms were flailing! Ya'll I couldn't move fast enough to help her. There she was, the love of my life, surely about to bust her head wide open and I wasn't sure if I had ENOUGH suture in my first aid kit to handle this CATASTROPHE. She grabbed my arm and my feet went to sliding too! Uh oh. Here we go. I swear I had a million thoughts running through my brain. I just knew we were going to get knocked out and the paramedics were going to find us naked and unconscious in the shower. These thoughts are a regular thing when you are accident prone. You never want anybody to find you naked. Trust me! So, in a single split second, things were headed south and I was certain we would be on that show "Untold Stories of the ER" but the Love Bug recovered! Praise Jesus she has some skills when it comes to COORDINATION and AGILITY. We were SAVED! HALLELUJAH!! There was no trip on an AMBULANCE tonight. WOOHOO.
Then, I LOST IT. Remember how I laugh uncontrollably at the worst times? Here I was, at it again! I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering and my cheeks were cramping. I sounded like those dang hyenas from the cartoons. You know, like in the Lion King when that super goofy one laughs all the time. That was me! I was crying and cramping and laughing so hard I couldn't function. I could've drowned in the shower from all the snorting that was going on. She was yelling and couldn't help but laugh herself. The more she laughed, the harder I laughed. It was a scene from some sort of comedy in which WE were the STARS. It was time we went to bed, clearly we were both INCAPABLE of functioning at this point. We got CAREFULLY out of the shower and finished out nightly routine. Teeth and hair brushed, deodorant, you know that drill.
This post isn't called "A Series..." just for shits and giggles... The night of laughter didn't stop there.
Earlier last week while she was at work, the Love Bug busted her knuckles working on some piece of machinery and I wanted to be sure that we got those covered because we all know how horrible those are and they take forever to HEAL. I happened to have some dermabond in my junk bag under the sink. When you are a nurse, you never know what is going to come home in your pocket. Alcohol swabs, dermabond, tape, etc. If you don't know what dermabond is, its like a sterile SUPER GLUE for your skin. I grabbed the purple stuff and got her to stick her hands out. I quickly covered two of her knuckles and then saw she had one more scratch so I covered that too. Better safe than sorry right? Well about the time I was done with that little scratch on her index finger, the spots on her knuckles started burning. She started squealing and when she did, she clamped her hands down from the pain. Remember when I said that scratch was on her index finger? YALL... MY SWEET LOVE BUG GLUED HER FINGERS TOGETHER!!!!! I was doubled over, for the second time, in a fit of laughter. I was drooling because I couldn't even breathe I was laughing so hard. Here we were, trying to get ready for bed and the world was just NOT HAVING IT. Some sort of cosmic interference happened and the good Lord knew we needed a day of laughter! Friends, He always delivers!
Moral of the story, never judge your CLUMSY friends because one day, it will come back to haunt YOU. Happy Monday to all you Gypsy Souls! Are you accident prone too?